From Amanda...WTF???

This...oh my. THIS is a myspace email from my ex's girlfriend and my response. It is regarding an email I sent him, HIM, not her. I tried to be frank and to not be unkind. Was I?

From: AmandaDate: Jan 21, 2009 2:56 AM
A very very late reply to an interesting email-
Brandy,
I think things have been taken a little out of context and have become distorted through the great gossip chain.
We are both individuals equal of each others due respect as human beings; with a right to be heard. There is no need for a “you can tell so and so that I said…” Nobody needs to resort to gossip or conflict. I know it is awkward to speak to me; but it is alright if you have something you would like me to know. (Or visa-versa) I’m not meaning to say “If you have something to say you can say it to my face!” It is not my intention to offend, or create malice, and there is no need to read between the lines; I have no hidden agenda or cruel intentions. I’m seeking first to understand and secondly to be understood through this message. If I completely fuck it away I apologize… I could never fill your shoes and walk in them… just as it couldn’t be done the other way around either.
So, maybe to clear the air a little…
The blog I posted on Jesse’s space was an “I’m drunk and crying the blues, pitty me” type of thing. So it probably wasn’t very clear. And I left it for open interpretation as I didn’t plainly describe its meaning. I had no idea it was you birthday. It was an absolute and pure coincident. The coat tails was not a reference to you, it was to me (I’ll get into that in a second). The only direct reference was the “strings of marriage” thing. In the sense that I was alluding to the legal relationship you two share and my frustration with the lack of a divorce.
The “coat tails” thing… I was talking about myself. Before we moved down here I had just got “on my feet” and was providing independently for myself, Alexis and my brother. I’m not at all comfortable with being any bit dependent on someone else. It makes me feel like a bum and I tell myself I’m a piece of shit and so on… So, I felt like I was “riding on [his] coat tails” and need to be pulling more weight because “shoulders are from God and burdens we must carry too”Now, I’m being very matter-of-fact in my describing this and walking on eggshells to not stick my foot in my mouth here. Again, I’m only trying to explain how I’m trying to look at this, and trying to see it from your point of view (even though I will never really know. Again I’m seeking to understand to correct however I mislead you). I can see where the thing about “imagining the weight of some one on your coat tails. If the key word being “weight” and maybe you are sensitive to this… I can sorta see the misleading elements here. I apologize.
The whole food stamp thing… got really misinterpreted. I’m kinda like WTF?? Something went horribly wrong somewhere. I’m blown away by this…It was an issue with getting Medicaid for the kids. Alexis (for really obvious reasons) and Natalie (for sort of obvious and complicated reasons) are not on Jesse’s health insurance so I was trying to get Medicaid straightened out. If you don’t tell Florida that some is married and they find it out it the end of the fucking world. Lol. Anyway it’s longer than I want to go into right now… (Aren’t you tired of me yet?)
Again, as I imagine we are different individuals, with different perspectives, any negative connotation or underline whatevers you may get out of this message was not intended. If you wish not to speak to me I’ll respect that. I just don’t see any reason for anything other positive interaction between us. There are way way too many innocent souls in the middle of whats going to be a very confusing life.
In appreciation of your reflection over all this,
Amanda
B.T.W. O.M.G. Sage is huge!!!! Boy, that girl grows quick! I f-ing love the beatles shirt. rock on kiddo!!

____________________________________________________________________
Amanda,
I appreciate your directness. I also hope that I am not misconstrued in any way within the confines of this reply. Rest assured that I do not, in any shape or form, wish to be in your shoes. You are very right about the whole "he said, she said" boolsheet. I am as frustrated as you about a lack of divorce. It is indeed a very fucked up situation. Please be aware of the fact that however legally binding the relationship may be, it means nothing to me, much in the same way it means nothing to Jesse. It never did mean anything to him.
Wow, the "weight" thing threw me for a loop. Weight is such a fluid term, and I understood that it applied to me in a metaphorical sense, not a literal one. That was my take anyhow. Kudos to you for thinking that you may have struck a nerve there when you hadn't. However, since I have lost ninety pounds and no longer have a weight problem, I guess we'll let that carcass rot as it should.
Ummm. What else? Oh, yes...my kids are my main concern. I'm a very busy person all things considered. The fact that I am still married only crosses my mind every great once in a while because I am so caught up in the day-to-day. If anyone else should obsess over this sordid infarction, then I am indeed sorry. In my own mind, I am already divorced. Would really legally be that way if I only had the money, and everything else straightened out. I am only sorry for the problems it seems to cause everyone else. As far as maliciousness goes, there's none coming from me either so please accept my apologies for your troubles resulting from all this.
Again, my concern is my brood. If they are crossed in any way, I will be extremely ired. They have it hard enough not even hearing from a dad they know (think?) they have. Really, for the most part they can't decide whether they still have one or not. In fact, Sean says from time to time that he doesn't, and that's all I hear him say about Jesse ever anymore. I will never tell them that they cannot talk to him. Whether or not Jesse decides to stay in touch with them will be up to him obviously. Whenever they do call he never answers. It will be his loss if he doesn't know them. They are phenomenal kids, and I'm really not just stating that because I am their mother. Simply put, THEY JUST ARE:).
You have much to be thankful for. Two beautiful kids and a father for them. You have nothing to fear from me. This isn't a ploy to take your man, or ruin your life, or make it any harder. I am just sorry I am not made of money, or that I cannot find a job. No one is hiring. It sucks. Never fear, though, you will get your divorce and soon. I hope that you have found none of this offensive.
Keep in touch. And thanks. ~Brandy


I wish no ill toward Jesse, Amanda, or their kids. I want nothing but the best for them. I also want nothing but the best for my children as well, and really want for everyone to come out on the other side happy and fulfilled. Whether that happens or not only time will tell. Jesse told his mother that in an effort to erase the children Jesse and I have together from their lives, Amanda tore up all the pictures of them she could find and deleted as many from the computer as she could. Deletes emails and messages from Cathy...that sort of thing. In her message to me she seems more adult than that, but I really don't know her.
She also did something else that I cannot agree with at all, but hey, it was just her choice right?
I hate drama. I don't like this situation at all, but all any of us can do is just shoulder through it as best we can. It's at times like these that I want to take my kids and move away from Cathy and the rest of Jesse's family so that I don't have to feel as though I'm creating more drama just by being around than is entirely necessary in such a messed up juxtapositon of occurances. Sometimes I just don't know what the "right" answer is, or how to find it.